The brown in me met someone 25 years ago who changed my life. This man was a retired special forces. By the time I met him, he had been retired for decades, and was officially 100+ % disable. He had one eye and a big list of injuries. He was 25 plus years older than me and had been thru countless hardships.
He was John Wayne with one eye. Big, Loud and old as my father. He wore a cowboy hat without it looking uncomfortable. I met him because he wanted a partner to play racquetball with. No one wanted a one eyed old man who could barely move as their partner. The first time I played with him, it was start of a new friendship. The secret was he was an amazing racquetball player. Between the two of us, there weren’t many who could beat us in tournaments. Soon we were playing everyday, and he was competitive in everything. We would play cards when my child and wife would go to bed. We would bet hot dogs and big gulps. He was diabetic, but drank cherry coke more than water. After many beatings he finally one day claimed it was the one eye. I had been spotting him points, starting in negative, playing with the wrong hand, yet he never complained about his issues, except for this one day. His solution, you have to play with one eye. So the game was set and I won, but it was much harder. After which I said to him, how are we going to handicap my youth and talent?
What I learned from this amazing man was in life, the secret to success was not dwelling on problems. Ignoring the problems is not the answer. However getting focused on the problem takes time away from the solution. He got diagnosed with cancer twice while I knew him, and he beat it twice. Each time the people around him were more concerned. He only wanted to hear the options to deal with the problem and then attack it. Another time he called me from the hospital at night before they were taking him to operate on his leg, possibly to amputate because of the infection. His reason for calling me was to inform me he wouldn’t make the game tomorrow and I may have to give him more points now that he was going to only have one leg. Luckily they saved his leg. Given the option to replace the skin taken out because of cancer on his cheek between his skin from his butt or thigh, he chose the butt. So he could in the future point to his cheek and tell people to kiss his ass. Over time I came to realize his secret sauce was he did not focus on the problem, but solution.
My children will tell you, dad would always yell at us; “Don’t bring me problems, Tell me solutions.”
I would explain to my children babies can make problems. What I wanted to hear was solutions. I did not punish for problems, but for not solving the problems. You spill milk, tell me how you are going to clean it up. You break something, tell me how you are going to clean it up. In life problems will happen. Our job is to find solutions. Spending time on why they happen, why they happen to you, and feeling sorry for ourselves is a determent to a successful life. Instead we must absorb the problem and then as soon as possible put the energy to the finding solutions.
The other day I said to God, why me? A car fell on me and exploded. I have been shot, stabbed. I lost an eye. I have had cancer twice. I have diabetes and pain which can come at any time because half of my body is not connected. Why God, why me?
And God said to me, Don it’s not fair to others if I left you as perfect as you were. Even now I feel you have an advantage.
This was his favorite saying. He would tell me this on a weekly basis.
In reality he was the most out going fun person i knew. He had gone thru tragedy and hardships long before I met him. When I had learned about his life I was amazed at where he was and who he was. Then while I knew him, more hardships came and he dealt with them. When I had obstacles he would cheer me up but more importantly direct me to the solution. Life is not grand and serene. It’s never going to be perfect. However we can make palatable and better if we realize problems are like spilled milk. Don’t cry over spilled milk.
Source: ItsTheBrownInMe
