Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.

Political Tattoos

Getting a tattoo is a big decision. You don’t want something you’re going to regret like, for example, something really dated. An example of both might be a message in the handwriting of a presidential candidate polling in the single digits.

Honored you took my words to heart (and arm), @jaedyn01_ pic.twitter.com/44J6nOgCu4

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) October 18, 2019

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I like how Kamala tries to pretend she isn’t horrified by this, but doesn’t quite pull it off. It’s adorable.

Verdict: This person is doomed, but I’m not ready  to say the rest of us are.

Pumpkin Police

There are good pumpkins and there are bad pumpkins, New Jersey knows the difference, and they’re going to make citizens pay! Here’s the deal– if you buy a pumpkin for decorative purposes are taxed, pumpkins for eating are not.

I’m not sure how they’re going to know, but it’s New Jersey, so I’m assuming they’re going to assign a pumpkin inspector to go door-to-door.

Pumpkins used for decoration are subject to Sales Tax.
Pumpkins used for food or in food preparation are tax free. pic.twitter.com/bZzyAVsQb1

— NJ Div of Taxation (@nj_taxation) October 15, 2019

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It’s worth clicking on that tweet and going through the replies for a laugh.

Verdict: New Jersey is doomed, but I’m not ready to say the rest of us are.

Tentacle Drone

I’m honestly not even sure what this is.

Tentacle drones. You’re welcome.⁣
⁣ pic.twitter.com/vkC6BELqqN

— Science And Nature (@InterestingSci1) October 21, 2019

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Verdict: Yeah, probably.

California Goes Full California

Gas prices in California are skyrocketing, and Governor Gavin Newsom is going to get to the bottom of it!

One Twitter user is already done investigating, but Newsom will probably still spend taxpayer money trying to figure out the taxation problem, and I’m willing to bet he won’t blame taxation.

Investigation complete. You’re welcome pic.twitter.com/nzfBkyd7kI

— Kelly K (@KellyKru_) October 22, 2019

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Wow, I wonder if they’ll ever figure it out. Wishing them the best of luck.

Verdict: California is doomed, but I’m not ready to say the rest of us are.

Students Arrested for Free Speech

As  part of a dare, two students at the University of Connecticut were caught on video using the N-word. They were arrested and are now being criminally charged under a Connecticut statute that prohibits “ridiculing” language. Yes. Criminally charged. It was pretty idiotic, but calling speech, even idiotic speech, a crime is hugely problematic.

Verdict: Just by being arrested and charged, we’re 75% doomed. If the charges aren’t dropped, we’re all the way there. This is genuinely terrifying.

Finishing Rita’s Quilt

Check out this beautiful story.

A story… (in proper thread form)

I go estate sale shopping regularly and whenever I find an unfinished embroidery project I buy it and finish it bc there’s no way that soul is resting with an unfinished project left behind. One day I found this stunner for $5. The I walked pic.twitter.com/2zIzTsRuSI

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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A story… (in proper thread form)

I go estate sale shopping regularly and whenever I find an unfinished embroidery project I buy it and finish it bc there’s no way that soul is resting with an unfinished project left behind. One day I found this stunner for $5. The I walked pic.twitter.com/2zIzTsRuSI

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

 

into the bedroom and found a box full of fabric. I opened it up and discovered it was a massive quilting project that was just begun. Every bit of the project mapped out and in this plastic tub. I sat on the floor and almost cried bc I knew I had to buy it and finish it but pic.twitter.com/yAGq3AVUMF

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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it was a massive fucking undertaking and While I embroider, I don’t quilt. I bought it for $6. I took the address of the home and did a little research and learned that the owner was named Rita and it seems she died at 99. That woman STARTED a massive quilting project at 99… pic.twitter.com/Hc66js9aNh

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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Now I really had to finish this thing. So I asked my Instagram community if people would help me finish it. In one day, I had over 1,000 volunteers!!! Because people are amazing. There are 100 individual hexagons to be embroidered to make the quilt… pic.twitter.com/VjYrLxKgE9

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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I made a massive spreadsheet and collected mailing addresses. I started preparing the squares to ship out to my new team. As I did, I discover Rita had stitched 2 of the states already! What a grand surprise. I’m not saying I cried but I’m not saying I didn’t. pic.twitter.com/YfkzPZ25NO

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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I prepared all the packages and then went to the post office where I was handed three different types of stamps to put on each envelope. That’s 300 mutherfucking stamps. I am grateful I didn’t have to lick them… pic.twitter.com/1GPtVTcFkg

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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As the stitchers waiting for them to arrive, some folks started doing research on Rita. They are excellent researchers. Found her husband, maiden name, that she was a Canadian immigrant, became a nurse and look – they found her high school yearbook photo! pic.twitter.com/XSxbSuYFvI

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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The packages are arriving to my stitchers and they are furiously stitching their hexies. We are using the completed map that I bought (that we can reasonably assume was made by Rita) to try to mirror her stitching techniques and style! pic.twitter.com/MH5Usb8IvA

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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We’ve got over 30 Chicago quilters lines up to handle the quilting phase of the project once we get all of the hand-stitched hexies back. Humans are amazing. Community can be built anywhere. You can follow along on Instagram —-> #RitasQuilt

— Shannon “Badass Cross Stitch” Downey (@ShannonDowney) October 23, 2019

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Verdict: A community built online, coming together, making Rita’s quilt. We’re going to be ok.

Priest Helps Stray Dogs

A priest in Brazil is bringing stray dogs to mass so that parishioners can fall in love with and adopt them. Dogs and Jesus are two of my favorite things!