One day while in University, 40 plus years ago, I was caught in a severe thunderstorm. As I was walking, getting drenched by the this driving rain, an anonymous driver stopped his car and gave me his umbrella. He didn’t say anything and just drove off.
The brown in me was taught from birth, giving is not about the giver. I have then passed this to my children. It’s subtle but this concept exists in many forms in the history of the world. Can one person change the world by themselves? Is the impossibility of one’s action to change society be a deterrence to try?
What is your motivation? If you are giving to get acknowledged, then you are being selfish. People want acknowledgement for their good deeds. They want Facebook likes or Twitter followers. However doing charity is not about recognition. In our weird culture we like to celebrate giving, to where giving is now a business. The charities are now being run as businesses and as such they now gift people for their charitable donations. So now the idea of just giving without a return is considered absurd. We all expect something in return for our good deed. Sometimes it is something as simple as a tax receipt.
“The last 15 years I have been giving food to the hungry every Sunday. 10 years ago a black woman was being harassed by a group of people and I went up to her and told her I was not like the others. I understood her situation. Yet she brushed me off. Today when people want to tell me about white privilege, I need to educate them of how hard my life was. What I went thru to get to where I am today.”
I have heard variations on this version from many of my white friends. What this story illustrates is they are so focused on themselves, they cannot relate to the disenfranchised unless their actions are acknowledged. The fact you are able to recount an incident from 10 years ago is the point. The disenfranchised probably don’t remember your incident because it wasn’t a unique experience, but a daily occurrence. We have to stop the mindset of needing acknowledgement for our good deeds. My friends are great people and they do great charity, but when they talk as such they show their white privilege. Every interaction in their lives does not to be about themselves. The sign you are showing your white privilege is when you start relating your life during a conversation about the others experience. It’s not about you.
Which story do you tell? The person who gave me an umbrella is the ideal. Let others talk about your deeds, instead of you. If you have to tell someone how great, good or compassionate you are, you aren’t. In this age of division we all need to listen more than we need to talk, that includes the brown in me. Thus listen to the anecdotes without contributing your own. The advice I gave my children, who are the only ones obligated to take it, is just do good. Expect nothing in return but personal satisfaction. It’s all we can do. If more of us live good lives, in time we can collectively create a good world.
Source: ItsTheBrownInMe