There are only 8 more columns left and I am in a reflective mood. I am inspired by the idea of what advice I should leave you with. I am going to try to write the last few column, as if I am leaving my children my life lessons learned. Most of these, I have been giving them all their lives. Putting in writing may help them when I am not here to nag.
The brown in me was brought up to win. I love competition. I love to win and hate to lose. I couldn’t understand when people didn’t get upset at losses. If you play, you keep score. They say winning isn’t everything, but the world we live in is designed as if it is.
So fifty years in, the lesson learned is a lesson hard to pass on. Telling someone young winning is not important is doing them a disservice. They live in a world where winning is the only metrics. Yet in my old age, I am understanding the joy and satisfaction have never come from winning. The best times of my life are not associated with winning. They happen in random moments which had to do with friends, situations, travel, sharing, discovery, laughter, tears, comfort…. even a phone call.
So why are we obsessed with the winning culture? The brown in me knows the value of score keeping and competing. I don’t want to take those things away. However I want to find a better metrics to judge life by. You should get mad when you lose. You should be trying to be the best. It’s OK to hate losing.
The best advice I ever received as an athlete was never be afraid to lose. Don’t think about losing or its consequences because then you will fail for sure. Play to win, then defeat is acceptable because you will have put forth your best effort. The losses which hurt the most were the ones when you felt you hadn’t given your best, you had choked, you had not worked at your peak. The self knowledge of less than full effort is what causes the pain of losses. The losses, regardless of the importance of the event, which did not hurt were those where your effort was maximum. Upon reflection there was no doubt you had given all you had. The opponent was better and deserved the day. Sleep came easy on those days, easier than some winning days. I have taught my children this from the beginning, whether it has registered yet, I don’t know. When they can take their fathers experience and knowledge and use it in their lives, they will have better lives to create better situations for their offspring. I don’t want you to be focused on winning. Keep score and try to win, but more importantly never ever be afraid to lose. There is satisfaction in being defeated at your best which winning without effort never provides.
Source: ItsTheBrownInMe
